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Speaking of leaving the military can cause temporary Hat Derangement Syndrome, like not long before he got out me and Adam went to Easter liturgy and he wore his dress blues, and then when we were outside he didn't put his cover on. And I asked him "Why are you still holding your cover?" and he said "I'm getting out soon! I don't care about my stupid cover!" and then a lady from church who's been in the Air Force for like 15 years went by and yelled "WHERE'S YOUR COVER SAILOR" and he just automatically put it on

Then when we were in Vegas last year he bought a hat because it was really hot and sunny, but we were inside a mall for like an hour and he kept wearing the stupid hat. And I was like "take your hat off, we're inside, there is no sun" and he was like "Woman I am wearing this hat inside BECAUSE I CAN"

Stuff I miss about the military

  • Competence. I guess active-duty people would find it pretty that I'm using 'military' and 'competence' in the same sentence, but bear with me. Being active duty involves having your shit sorted out to a certain extent. Because if you are incapable of showing up somewhere you've promised you'll be multiple times, or if you refuse to answer your phone and act as if the concept of answering a phone is just baffling to you, you will be weeded out. And so when you only hang around active duty people and their families, you start to assume a certain level of "I have my shit together" from people and then you start to assume that people are just like that. And then you are out and you start to realize just how many people your age do not have their shit sorted out to even the slightest extent.

  • Some level of understanding? This one applies to me in the sense that my husband now has a job that also takes him away a lot and sometimes I can't contact him much. I am used to that, but I used to live in an area where other people were also used to that. If you stepped outside your house, the average spouse you met would also have been dealing with this for years. Now I don't have that. One acquaintance here had her husband go on his first ever business trip and kept messaging me saying "I miss him sooo much OMG I don't know how you DOOO it" and I'm like OMG he's away for one week, really?!

  • Camaraderie. I never got along with most military wives because I am an antisocial person who hates everyone, but at least there was one thing connecting us most of the time. Now I feel like I don't have much connecting me with the average person I meet, not even nationality. That might just be me though because of the hating everyone thing.

  • Cute uniforms

  • Shopping at Camp Pendleton

That's about it.

We got a new kitty


Her name is Marceline.

I am collecting bad reviews.

Any remaining LJ people: I need your help collecting funny bad reviews from around the internet! By ‘funny bad reviews’ I mean:

a) Reviews of absolutely terrible products/services; aka things that are unusually terrible enough to be amusing (“The waiter threw up on my girlfriend and accused us of being lizard people” “The condoms have a tendency to catch fire under heavy friction”)

b) Reviews of good products/services written by dumb people; the reviewer is so clueless or incompetent that the review becomes funny. (“I am giving this ‘The Godfather’ DVD set one star because it would have worked better as an anime”  “The kosher deli manager was rude and glared at me when I ordered a ham-and-cheese sandwich; will not return ONE STAR”)

Both types must be negative reviews, i.e. one- or two-star (or 3/10 or thumbs down or whatever, depending on the rating system)

If you have seen any of these, or happen to come across any, please send them to me by giving me the link to the review to coville dot c at gmail dot com. If you send me something that ends up in the finished work I will do my best to get you in the ‘Acknowledgements’ section! In print!

I have a language question:

If you were talking about the Interstate 10 highway, which one of these would you say:

"There is a terrible traffic accident on I-10."
"There is a terrible traffic accident on the I-10."

Apparently putting 'the' in front of freeway numbers is just a Southern California thing? But I could swear I heard Arizona people doing it as well.

Feb. 24th, 2014

A person I have known online for years and also met and hung out with in real life just found out I have never been in the military, and said he was “flabbergasted."

I was like for real bro

I cry when the guy yells at me during the obstacle course in Call of Duty
Awww yeah guys

I have to think of a column name. Anyone got any suggestions??